The No-Resolution Resolution: Forget the New You! (Be the fabulous-just-as-you-are-right-now you.)
A few January's ago I resolved to start the year with no resolutions. It wasn’t easy: I love the clean slate feeling that comes with New Year’s (and Monday’s. And midnight. And mornings). There’s something about a blank page that gives me hope. Nothing bad has happened yet. And I haven’t done anything to ruin it yet.
My resolution assures me that things will stay that way - that I will stay out of my own way when it comes to getting what I want.
Which, I have found, is problematic. After all, I am always here. And not just ‘c’mon girl, you got this!’ me, but also ‘I’m so tired, I can’t move!’ me, and ‘please shut up, I am not in the mood for your exuberant joy right now’ me.
A resolution is made to resolve that my cheerleading self will take over my resigned self at all times by all means available to her: setting goals, pushing forward, positive affirmation, will power and sheer stick-to-it-iveness. And when she can’t, when there is something that I need that is different than what is required of me in that moment, then all I am left with is my failure. With shame, frustration and resignation right behind.
No-resolution allows for a truce between the go-go-go and the I-don’t-wanna. It gives room to figure out what I want in the moment, rather than pushing myself through those moments because of a promise I made that I am afraid to break. It allows for days of rest, bites of cake and for not knowing what I’m going to do next. It gives space for me to be tired and unproductive, without freaking out that I will never find energy and productivity again. It also gives room for the push and tenacity that are just as true of me. It gets me up at 6am to go out for a run and keeps me up at midnight with a chapter I just have to finish. The range for both is broader, so that I’m not holding on tightly to one or the other but rather trusting my self to know what I need in the moment.
Of course, this is the very self that got me into this mess to begin with, I argue. Why trust her now?
Because she’s older, wiser and has so much more experience than she did when I first started making New Year's resolutions way back when (also known as measurable goals, setting intentions, and reaching my full potential). It would be fair to give her another chance just to see what happens (and trust that I can deal with the outcome).
Worst comes to worst, 2019 is just 11 months and 29 days away.
Happy New Year!