I’m Too Much. Are You Too Much? Here’s How to Cure It.

I am too much. I am too loud, too brash, too direct. I am also too deep, too intuitive, too intense. I know all of this because I have been told all of this, time and time again.

Over the years, I learned how to moderate my self - laugh a little quieter, talk a little less and keep my observations to myself. Able to squeeze my larger-than-life self into an acceptably-sized box (not surprisingly, this also required managing my larger than acceptable body - too much is too much in every way). Occasionally, my too-much self would leak out: in the company of good friends, in the company of good wine, and always in the company of my husband. Lately, she’s lost all self-control. Saying what she wants, singing when she feels like it and laughing often and loudly. Which sounds exhilarating and mostly is, but sometimes isn’t.

After all, there’s a reason we struggle with the notion of being ourselves. Feeling the pain of being yourself is inevitable - whoever you are, there is someone you aren’t. And if who you are is ‘too much’ then you are familiar with the side glance, the awkward feeling, the hand-up-to-your-mouth gesture as you realize, ‘Oops, I did it again!’.

Being your full-on, full-out bodacious self doesn’t mean that you will never feel embarrassed again. It doesn’t mean that you will be well-liked. But it might give you a little more space not to care as much about what people think.

And that is the origin of too much - it lies in the eyes of the experiencer. It is the level of much-ness deemed appropriate in the environment you are in. The degree to which your much-ness can be tolerated. For you to be too much, there is another who is just enough.

The cure to too muchness is to find a container that is greater than yourself, where you are not merely endured but encouraged to grow. This can be as simple as buying a new pair of jeans so that you can stop making your body smaller or as difficult as leaving a relationship so that you can stop making your personality smaller.  Of course, there are times when your too much cup will runneth over and you’ll find yourself cringing as you recall that thing you wish you hadn’t said. In which case you can always reach out to one of your too much friends and laugh about it. Loudly.