Tis the season for gifts and giving and, by that count, receiving. We are well-instructed in the art of giving and somewhat practiced in the grace of receiving but know little about how to ask for what we want.
My friend L and I caught up last week. Her nanny had left to tend to family matters, and L hadn’t hired a new one yet. “What surprises me is not how much I’m enjoying being home with the kids, but how much I want to be home with them. I’ve always loved working - I never thought I would want that.”
Hi! Did you see me this morning? I smiled at you and you smiled right back. Two strangers sharing a moment of human connection. The kind that says Namaste and have a nice day! Positively lovely. I know that positivity can be positively uplifting. But it can also be problematic.
It’s summertime, which means I am spending more time with my kids, which is sometimes awesome and sometimes awful, which pretty much sums up my entire parenting experience, which reminds me why parenting sucks.
The decision to stop working, like all of the decisions I make, was completely selfish. I didn’t think it would make life any better for my kids. In fact, I am aware of studies that show that being a stay-at-home mom might actually do them harm, resulting in a son who is a bit of a schmuck. Pishy caca.
March is not my favorite month. It’s a time when I first experienced overwhelming grief. The kind that takes your breath away and makes no promises as to when you will get it back. A time when I experienced loss. Of relationships whose time had come but the parting of which left me torn.
The problem with potential is that it’s a future version of ourselves that we use to measure ourselves against and come up short. Again. Not because we can’t or are unable but because we won’t or are too lazy. Which is such a shame, because we have so much potential. (Potential and shame are often used in the same sentence.)
Fantasies thrive in relationships. Relationships that haven’t started yet or relationships that have been going on for decades. The coulds, woulds and shoulds of relationship wreak havoc as we hang our expectations atop one another.