Posts in self-inquiry

To Tell the Truth

Truth has a built-in authenticator, an inimitable quality. It often smells of awkwardness and discomfort and vulnerability. But it always releases a whoosh of relief.

self-inquiryKaren GurwitzOctober 1, 2019self inquiry, rosh hashana, yom kippur, self-reflection, shame, rejection

You Are Not Alone (Even When You Are)

On Saturday, more than 3,000 students lined up outside New York’s Fame! school for a chance to audition. (A total of 18,000 will have auditioned by the end of the process.)

self-inquiryKaren GurwitzSeptember 24, 2019aliens, not alone, loneliness, Fame, LaGuardia high schoolComment

I Love the Beach but Not the Sand (and Other Human Contradictions)

I love to travel but not to fly,

I love hellos but not good bye

The truth of the matter is, when I pry,

self-inquiryKaren GurwitzSeptember 3, 2019I love the image but not the lie, human contradictionsComment

How Self-Love, Self-Care and Self-Compassion Are Different (and also irrelevant)

With summer around the corner (in this corner of the world), there’s a lot of talk about being your best self, which somehow links to self-care and self-love, both of which can lead to self-meanness, which then calls for self-compassion. So before we drive all of our selves completely crazy, here’s a breakdown of what’s up, and why it doesn’t really matter.

self-inquiryKaren GurwitzMay 28, 2019self-love, self-care, self-compassionComment

Why Being Yourself is so Much Harder Than Becoming Your Best Self

The answer is right there - in the grammar.

There’s a word that separates Your and Self - a word that allows you to set your goals, commit to your workout, juice your greens, save your money, hit your target, meet your soulmate, meditate to keep calm and carry on in pursuit of your best self. Whereas being yourself doesn’t require anything - not a dash, not a comma, not a space.

self-inquiry, self-trustKaren GurwitzMay 21, 2019becoming your best self, just be yourself, improving yourself, stoppig self-improvement, why self-improvement doesn't work, stop self-improvement, on being versus doing, how to just beComment

I Am (still) a Swinger. Not *that* kind of swinger. (Not that there’s anything wrong with that.)

My swinging occurs almost everywhere else — in my food, in my mood, in my parenting, in my productivity. Some days I️ go full throttle, others I️ stay down low. Also known as black-and-white and ‘woah, you are too much!’ what I️’ve never been called is middle-of-the-road.

self-inquiry, self-trust, self-awarenessKaren GurwitzMay 14, 2019swinging, moderation, black and white, compassion, adaptability, creating yourself, discovering yourself, pendulum swing, permission, key partyComment

Reconnecting to Your Self (Whatever That Means)

I got married 21 years ago today. That’s 21 years of struggles and stress, celebrations and surprises (some more pleasant than others). 21 years of my belly growing, my heart expanding and my tolerance increasing as I learned to make room in and around myself for the (amazing) people that I share my life with.

21 years of figuring out how to compromise, to share, to think of others without losing myself.

self-inquiryKaren GurwitzApril 9, 2019reconnecting to your self, losing yourself, finding yourself, reconnecting to yourself Comments

Why You Never Want to Know Exactly Who You Are (aka Un-Know Your Self)

Lest this be our first meeting, let me bring you up to speed: I spend hours thinking about my self. I mean, I spend hours thinking about others as well, but overall I am pretty self-ish (and proud of it, too - it took me a long time to get this way.

self-inquiry, self-awarenessKaren GurwitzJanuary 22, 2019self-inquiry, self awareness, un-know your self-socrates-know thyself, schopenhauer, man can do what he wants but he cannot will what he wants, loud inner critic, surprised by who i am, ever-changing you Comments

It's True: Being Thin is Easier

Having money is easier than not having it.

Being happy is easier than being grief-stricken.

Being healthy is easier than being sick.

But…

self-inquiry, self-loveKaren GurwitzJanuary 8, 2019resolutions, skinny, fat, lose weight, being rich, get richer, be a winner, stop being a loser, be kind to yourself, self-compassion Comment

The Angst of Optimism (aka It's a Hard Time to be an Optimist)

I stopped reading newspapers years ago. Being up-to-date in domestic and international news was critical to my job, but detrimental to my personality. You see, I am an optimist.

self-awareness, self-inquiryKaren GurwitzOctober 30, 2018 Comment

Words of Wisdom on the Crosstown Bus

Living in New York has its pros and cons. The apartments are small, the streets are dirty, the noise is everywhere and you’re never alone. On the other hand, there’s Central Park, the museums, the energy and the incredible diversity of people who call this place home. I’m a sucker for the latter.

self-awareness, self-inquiryKaren GurwitzMarch 20, 2018Jane Fonda, eat well, sit with yourself, sitting, sitting is the new smoking, kids are selfish creatures, don't have kids Comments

Why Seth Godin would agree that I shouldn’t read his blog (right now).

If one more person forwards me Seth Godin’s blog, I’ll scream. It’s not that I don’t like it, I think it is spot on! His writing is clear, concise and mercifully bullshit-free. I’d love for my blog to be like Seth Godin’s. With Martha Beck’s wisdom. And Thích Nhat Hanh’s spirit. And Tim Urban’s humor.

self-inquiry, self-awarenessKaren GurwitzJanuary 30, 2018Seth Godin, Martha Beck, Thich Nhat Hanh, Tim Urban, just be yourself, tuning into yourself, shutting out outside voices, Byron Katie, The Work, Sarah Blaffer Hrdy, Mother Nature, #youdoyouComment

The Bully I Can’t Shake (and am not sure I want to).

I am sweet, warm and kind. I flash my smile to everyone I meet and for the most part, it’s genuine. (Admittedly, there are times I hide behind my smile, but overall, I’m a relentless optimist.) Lurking within me, however, is a bully.

self-hate, self-inquiryKaren GurwitzJanuary 23, 2018inner critic, the critic, bitch-o-meter, low self-esteem, feeling low, back the fuck off, relentless optimist Comments

I Am a Swinger. Not *that* kind of swinger. (Not that there’s anything wrong with that.)

self-inquiry, self-trust, self-awarenessKaren GurwitzJanuary 9, 2018swinging, moderation, black and white, compassion, adaptability, creating yourself, discovering yourself, pendulum swing, permission, key party Comments

The No-Resolution Resolution: Forget the New You! (Be the fabulous-just-as-you-are-right-now you.)

A few January's ago I resolved to start the year with no resolutions. It wasn’t easy: I love the clean slate feeling that comes with New Year’s (and Monday’s. And midnight. And mornings). There’s something about a blank page that gives me hope.

self-inquiry, self-awareness, self-trustKaren GurwitzJanuary 2, 2018no resolution, new years, ruining my resolutions, staying out of my own way, failure, resignation, stick to it, don't trust myself Comments

Name the Monkeys on Your Back (aka Ryan Gosling-ing)

self-inquiry, self-awarenessKaren GurwitzJanuary 1, 2018ryan gosling, monkeys on your back, naming your issue, eating too many french fries, running the hamster wheel, feeding my shame, i should be more evolved, judgemental, beating myself up, obsessing

If I could, I would____ (fill in the blank).

self-inquiry, self-hateKaren GurwitzDecember 21, 2017permission, it's OK, it's not OK, permission granted, listening Comments

Why Parenting Sucks Some More (The Graduates)

Bittersweet too small a word for when fierce pride and immeasurable joy crash into inconsolable sadness. But it’s all I’ve got for now. Congratulations, Graduates.

Why I Am Not Freaking Out About Gaining Weight Just Before Summer (When Emotional Eating [and smoking] is OK)

A few lifetimes ago I found myself at the entrance to the Lincoln Tunnel with my driver’s door smashed in so badly that it could barely stay closed. Two of NYPD’s finest (and finest ;) extricated me out of the passenger’s side. One went over to handle the other driver, the other had me lean against the trunk and asked me if I smoked.

When Hate Can Be Great

I know that love is all the rage, but hate is great in its own way, and here’s why.

When you’re curious about who you are and how you feel, hate is a shortcut to informing you what works for you and what most decidedly does not..

Three Things I Hate About Myself and Three I Think Are Just Fine (On Love and Hate)

I hate that I blurt things out at the most inappropriate times, in the most inappropriate contexts - school functions, formal dinners, funerals and FaceTiming the former president of Israel (ask me about this one).

On Feeling Full (aka The Fear of Not Wanting Anything At All)

Panic is how I would describe it. The feeling I had when presented with my cake and candles and the moment to make my wishes (oh yes, even at fifty, I take my birthday wishes très seriously). Panic because nothing came to mind. I felt full. Full of food and drink, yes, but also full in that place that always has a yearning. That low-level hum of wanting more. That irritating itch of desire that feels unscratchable. That void which drives my drive, my ambition, my force. Devoid of the void, I am...fine?

That’s no way to live.

How a Facebook Post Changed My Perspective on Turning Fifty (When Gratitude is Not an Attitude)

I’ve been reflecting on my fiftieth for some time now. Taking stock of my life, going over what I have accomplished, grieving all that I have not, reflecting on time that has past that I will never get again. Some say age is just a number, but in the game of life, resources are limited, and age is a barometer of time, a measure of how much has gone by and what is still left.

Why I Weighed Myself This Morning (and Won't Again for Many Months)

Let’s play a game. I’ll name a day and you tell me how much you weighed:

this morning,
your last check-up,
in ninth grade,
when you were nine years old. How many did you get?

Why It’s All In Your Mind (aka The Story of Our Lives)

I once asked Claude how she kept her jeans and tees so crisp and white. “I bleach the fuck out of them,” she said.

Claude is a brilliant artist with a great sense of humor, but of all our exchanges over after-school pick up, this is the one I remember.

The Problem with Getting What You Want (Let's Talk About Desire)

The problem with getting what you want is that there is always more want underneath. Once you satisfy your appetite for food or for things or for power or for experiences, your desire becomes unleashed. There is more to want. More to yearn for, more to long for.

The Right to Mourn

Grief has no rationale. It doesn’t care how old they were, how ill they were, how close you were.

Grief grabs you at your chest and squeezes relentlessly, just a moment longer than you think you can hold with a sudden and momentary release so that you can inhale sharply before you’re squeezed again. (Best to have a paper bag nearby to help with breathing.)

What I Want to Say to the Dog-Walker But Haven't (Yet)

Ten years ago we moved back to NYC from the suburbs. While there, I had promised myself that when we returned, I would run in Central Park every day. On our first day back I stepped into the park at West 79th street. That’s when I saw her.

You’re Better than the Cheesecake Factory (What LA Taught Me About Turning Fifty)

I haven’t been to LA in 25 years. It’s not personal - we’re just not a match(a). I used to come here for work and race back home when I was done. The place was pretty, but fake, plastic-y, a watered down version of its magical onscreen presence. The people felt the same as well - all smiles but little more - with one of my least favorite questions making me feel like work is the worth here, and little else. I opted for New York and its absolute reality.

The Cost of Trusting Myself (i.e. What If I Am Wrong About Everything?)

Every evening, hunky hubby and I play a game (or best of three) of backgammon. The other night, I laughed aloud at something he said and told him what I assumed had led him to say it.

You’re wrong, he said.

Why It’s OK to be Devastated After a Single Date

I was asking H about a date she had been excited to go on. She said it had gone great for her but clearly not for him because he had not reached out for another.

Ugh, I responded. How do you feel?

It’s fine.

Ouch.

Who Does Your Year-End Review?

It’s time for your year-end review. The one where you go over all the stuff you got done (or didn’t), the weight you lost (or gained), the promotion you got (or got passed over for). It’s time to go over all of the things that happened this year (can you believe it?) and reckon with the fact that the year is now over (can you believe it?).

Asking for What You Want

Tis the season for gifts and giving and, by that count, receiving. We are well-instructed in the art of giving and somewhat practiced in the grace of receiving but know little about how to ask for what we want.

A Case for Distraction (aka The Problem with Being Present)

My nails are perfectly painted in Essie’s Limited Addiction.

I know this because I keep looking at them as if I am a scientist studying the art of manicure. When in actuality I am a writer practicing the art of distraction. (In fairness, I don’t need much practice in this, I’m pretty good at it.)